STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Editor's note: Mel Robbins is a CNN analyst and acknowledged analyst. She is the architect of Inspire52.com, a absolute account website and columnist of "Stop Saying You're Fine," about managing change. Robbins speaks on administration about the apple and in 2014 was called outstanding account allocution radio host by the Gracie Awards. Chase her on Twitter @melrobbins. The opinions bidding in this annotation are abandoned those of the author.
(CNN) -- If you are a woman, you've acceptable accomplished the creepy, aweless and sometimes alarming way some men amusement you as you airing bottomward the artery -- bawdy looks, exceptionable comments, adulation about your body, continued necks craning to see your backside, catcalls, alike actuality followed.
It can be actual adamantine to explain why catcalls and exceptionable comments bulk to harassment. Thankfully, there's a new video online that drives it home. In it, a woman walks about Manhattan for 10 hours (a hidden video camera is in advanced of her and she's got microphones in anniversary hand.) She's addled 108 times as she walks (silently) bottomward the streets of the city. In two instances she's followed; one of the guys walks beside her for over bristles minutes. It's actual eerie.
It's a actual sobering and candid acquaintance to watch the battery of aggravation happen. And sadly, aback so abounding of you accept that women abet abandon and alike abduction based on how they dress -- get this, the woman in the video is cutting a apparent T-shirt and jeans. There's no break or belly or bald leg assuming -- she's aloof a gal walking bottomward the street.
Mel Robbins
The video is compelling, decidedly for women. It is afflictive to be addled like this walking bottomward the street, and yes, aggravation is absolutely what it is. In fact, in abounding states, it's additionally illegal.
For a continued time, I didn't see it that way. Maybe it's because I accomplish a active giving keynotes on administration and at 45 accept developed to be a actual confident, affable person. Every time a man would say "Hey Beautiful" to me, I'd aloof attending him beeline in the eyes, shoot a smile and bark aback "Yo what's up" -- which works like a charm, de-sexualizes the accomplished thing, keeps it Midwestern affable while abrogation the guy aghast that I asserted myself.
But my assessment about catcalls afflicted aback I saw it appear to my daughter. She's a admirable girl, and aloof 15. A few weeks ago, we were walking in Boston -- she was in jeans, LL Bean boots and a flannel shirt -- yet the majority of guys eyed her arch to toe and about bisected of them affronted aback to analysis out her butt. With every look, the momma buck in me started to get absolutely angry. My daughter, on the added hand, aloof got actual quiet. Aback we beyond the artery in advanced of a assignment site, she aloof stared at the ground.
My angle afflicted that day. She didn't appetite the attention; she aloof capital to airing bottomward the sidewalk and window shop. And, added importantly, she didn't apperceive how to handle it.
That's the anatomy of it. Aback you catcall, the attention, the comments, the looks are exceptionable and they can accomplish a woman feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable. A woman (or a girl) walking bottomward the artery aloof wants to be larboard alone. She's not absorbed in what you anticipate about her anatomy or her face. If she was, she'd ask you.
How should men access women?
It's adamantine for guys to accept this, decidedly aback the sex centermost of the macho academician is 2.5 times beyond than the changeable sex centermost in the brain. Guys will acceptable consistently accept sex on the academician added than women do. And beastly admiration and ability is absolutely at the basis of catcalls -- that's why you hoot, holler, leer, banter at a woman -- and it's additionally why guys anticipate there's annihilation amiss with it. Whether a woman or a babe can handle the absorption isn't relevant; guys shouldn't be putting women and girls in a position in which they feel like they are accepting eyed like a allotment of meat.
How should men access women?
There's a huge aberration amid afflictive a woman on the artery with catcalls and absolutely aggravating to accept a chat with her. In case you fellas do appetite to allege with a woman, her are a few rules:
1. Allege "to" her, not "at" her.
Whistles, shouts, hoots, hollers, kissing and beastly sounds may advice you barrage a cab, but if you do it to a woman you don't know, it's harassment.
2. Alpha a chat "with" her, not "about" her.
Talk about the weather, the day, the book she's reading, because again it is a conversation. Do not allocution about her hair, her smile, her outfit, her legs, her anatomy or her appearance, because that's harassment.
3. If she walks abroad do not chase her.
If she ignores you, drops eye acquaintance or keeps walking -- aloof leave her alone. If you alpha afterward her, you aren't complimenting her, you are stalking her.
At the end of the day, if you appetite to affix with a woman, all you charge to do is smile. There's no charge to say anything. That's all it takes. Attending her in the eyes and smile. She'll acceptable smile back. That's it. If she wants to say hello, I'm abiding she will. If she doesn't, aloof let her be.
And speaking of eye contact, attending at her eyes, because aback you beam at her chest, her butt, her clandestine breadth or do the top-to-bottom scan, it makes her feel acutely uncomfortable. Women walking on a sidewalk are not walking on a catwalk, and you're not a adjudicator on America's Top Model, so stop acting like one.
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