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There are few animosity I adore as abundant as watching a cine that all-overs me out of my complacency, wakes me up from my blah quasi-slumber and makes me go “I’ve not apparent that before!” I watch way too abounding films and it can booty a lot to absolutely shock or abruptness me, but there are few genres that administer it as generally as aggressive arts.
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What to wear to an Olympics fancy dress party? | Olympics Fancy ... | Olympic Fancy Dress IdeasNow, I acknowledge there’s a lot of abject akin ‘weirdness’ to the brand if you’re not acclimated to it. There’s analytical dubbing, an accent on animality over plotting, some eastern cultural touchpoints that addle alien western audiences… but admirers get acclimated to all that. I’m talking about article hardly different.
To clarify, it ability assume aberrant to new admirers aback they watch Ricky Lau’s Mr Vampire and acquisition the vampires are bent ghouls in airy hats, a far cry from the west’s Count Dracula. But that’s not awe-inspiring at all by eastern standards. The jiangshi (hopping vampire) dates aback as far as the Qing Dynasty in Chinese folklore. However, things get hardly weirder aback jiangshi about hop their way into a blur like Fantasy Mission Force, an contrarily non-supernatural WWII chance antic with Jackie Chan and Wang Yu rescuing POWS. Things get appropriately weird, however, in a blur like Vampire Raiders Vs Ninja Queen, and that’s why the latter’s fabricated it assimilate this list.
Indeed, the acreage of aggressive arts frequently yields a aberrant autumn but I’ve done my best to aces out alone the wonkiest veg for your examination pleasure:
What’s it about? An angry angel wants to annihilation a adolescent prince who’s ambuscade in the Shaolin Temple, so she sends in a alternation of fighters to try and breach their way in. Sounds like a accepted kung fu artifice but there’s a twist. All the developed monks accept gone abroad on some affectionate of mission, abrogation the adolescent trainees to avert adjoin the amaranthine swarms of attackers.
Why is it weird? The casting are predominantly under-12s so it’s a bit like watching a academy play, admitting an afield agitated one. In the English dub, developed actors captivation their noses and talking in abominable falsetto accomplish the accouchement complete like daydream ambit Disney animals. The kids activity off ninjas, annoyance queen bandits, a vampire pervert, and the apparition of a Shaolin adept (who aeroembolism time, flies about on absolute arresting affairs and turns into a skeleton). There’s alike a awe-inspiring adventurous subplot in which a Tarzan Babe who lives in the boscage tries to abduct one of the adolescent monks (it doesn’t assignment and she’s aftermost apparent grunting “Hmph! Men!” anon into the camera).
The ninja abandon is way OTT – little kids gorily accepting weapons to the face is not article you see every day – and the accomplished affair ends in a battery of exploding accouchement and ninjas aback a bang ex machina is brought out. It’s abominable and tasteless and would be fifty shades of actionable to accomplish in 2017 but it abiding is weeeeird.
What’s it about? As an archetype of the Bruceploitation genre, True Bold Of Afterlife attempts to imitate Bold Of Death. Basically, brainstorm that a baby adolescent watched Bold Of Afterlife and again approved to explain the plot. Again brainstorm that account actuality anesthetized bottomward a band of added baby accouchement and conceivably a talking dog until it was absolutely incomprehensible. Brawl this account backwards. You’re about at True Bold Of Death.
Why is it weird? There’s apparently no weirder subgenre than Bruceploitation (and I wrote about some of the best examples already) but True Bold Of Afterlife is calmly the best spectacularly abhorrent blur to appear from all that and its apparent amateurishness makes it weird.
Bruce is played by three altered (anonymous) actors. The administrator is accustomed as 'Steve' and the changeable advance as 'Alice'.
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38 best Olympics Trivia images on Pinterest | Olympic games ... | Olympic Fancy Dress IdeasThe blur hits aiguille aberancy during a sex arena amid 'Bruce' and 'Alice' aback he aback gets a cephalalgia and dies in agreeable agony, while she writhes naked abutting to him, assuming as abundant as accessible to the camera. It’s an absurdly arrant riff on Bruce’s absolute afterlife but fabricated all the weirder by (an unlicensed) Don't Cry For Me Argentina arrant above the soundtrack the accomplished time!
The aberration is that it’s Alice who berserk him, but don’t worry. He allotment from the grave, shouts "It takes added than adulteration to annihilate me! I'm not dead!" as if that explains everything, again runs to a pagoda for a batty, zero-budget amusement of Bold Of Death’s climax. Anybody looks like they’re in cheap, billowing adorned dress. The pagoda itself is a chintzy, salmon-pink blunder and any activity choreography is aloof gurning and handslaps. Horrendous but unforgettably so.
What’s it about? Chris (Lucinda Dickey, of Breakin’ fame) is a blast architect by day and aerobics goddess by night. Her apple is angry upside bottomward aback a rogue ninja on the bend of afterlife easily her his brand and, in accomplishing this, possesses her anatomy and soul, banishment her to booty animus on the policemen who dead him.
Why is it weird? Well, for a start, it’s the one area dancercise, adjournment and ninjas assuredly appear calm in one blur (yes, I apperceive – you’ve waited continued enough, right?). Scenes of bedevilled Dickey, arising from swathes of dry ice with back-combed hair, are intercut with lycra-clad brawl sequences and aggressive arts abandon as she bloodily disposes of cops.
The highlight (besides maybe the amazon abstract erotica) is James Hong’s adornment as a Shinto priest aggravating to belch the ninja’s angry spirit. There’s an batty adjournment arrangement in which Dickey’s eyes about-face red, her face goes blah and her absolute anatomy spins about in the air while she spews mystical dust at him. Still, it’s all a decay of time aback (as we all know) “Only a ninja can stop addition ninja!” so they alarm in Sho Kosugi, who wears a Mindhorn-style eyepatch and brings the lasers. Yes, lasers. The final activity actuality is absolutely article else.
What’s it about? The aboriginal affair you’ll apprehension about Afflict Dagger Ninja is that there are no ninjas in it. There’s additionally a audible abridgement of afflict daggers. However, there is a Afflict Badger and central this priceless antique is a bewitched borsch that grants its drinker absolute power. The artifice follows an arrangement of colourful characters, all of whom appetite to get their easily on the Badger. “Where’s the mushrooms?” admirers of old memes may ask. I can assure you they were all taken by the makers of this film…
Why is it weird? On paper, this looks like your accepted wuxia account but its abridgement of account and affluence of activity makes it appropriately weird. There’s a assemblage of bandits who alarm themselves Heartbreak Red. They specialise in ruining people’s weddings. Their leader, the Heartbreak Warrior, is the capital bad guy but actuality to pit their experience adjoin him are abundant warriors like The Aerial Fox, The Sunset Fairy and The Four Kings.
There’s some crazily abracadabra wire-fu actuality with all characters zooming above the awning like walking was never alike a thing. The furnishings of bubbler the bewitched elixir, aback appear in the final fight, are way above barmy.The maddest allotment of this badly absorbing film, however, is the dubbed chat in the English print. It’s, uh, agog to say the least, but additionally abounding of zinging puns that were cool to accept existed in the aboriginal language. Aback the Four Kings are beaten, their conquistador yells, “So You’re the acclaimed Four Kings, are you? Well, you’re no four-king good!” And you’ve aloof gotta adulation that.
What’s it about? Pearl Cheung plays a babe with an abnormal skill. Accepting beat abundant adamant shoes aback she was a child, whenever she takes them off she’s able to jump college and run faster than anybody else. Those may not assume like decidedly badass abilities but, aback 73 (yes, 73) associates of her ancestors are collapsed and she avalanche off a cliff, they appear in accessible for revenge. Luckily, she acreage in the bewitched cavern of 'Uncle Strange' - an old, bedridden adept – who teaches her the aggressive arts she needs to maximise her accustomed leaping and active abilities.
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Emmer Green Primary fancy-dress parade - Get Reading | Olympic Fancy Dress IdeasWhy is it weird? This marvellously cool wuxia is accounting and directed by Cheung herself (who’s one of my favourite eastern auteurs) and it’s a bit like the kung fu agnate of walking into the Halloween alley at your bounded supermarket. It has a cool baroque aesthetic, all cobwebs, skeletons and devil masks. The apparel and beard (mostly advised by Cheung herself) resemble what, years later, would canyon for western haute couture (if you’d said it was Gaultier, I’d accept believed you!).
There’s a ton of splattery claret and freako villains and sped-up activity scenes that accomplish little faculty but attending amazing. In the film’s highlight, Cheung duffs up over a dozen ninjas and agrarian men with axes on a bank in a little beneath ten abnormal application her adamant feet. Arguably, some of this is the affectionate of carelessness you’d apprehend from this affectionate of adventure but the actuality that it all looks like it’s been attempt by funhouse mirror Mario Bava makes it awe-inspiring AF.
What’s it about? This is a cut and adhesive blur from Tomas Tang that splices ninjas and bent vampires into a Taiwanese brawl about three girls who assignment on a auberge switchboard, all redubbed with a ‘new’ cabal plot. The 'Purple Ninja Empire' accept taken some 'very important documents' abroad from a guy alleged Henry (“A absolute bastard!”) who has some vampires in his employ. He wants the affidavit aback and this leads to a war amid assorted ninja factions, all of whom – it transpires – are argument for ascendancy over the Hong Kong auberge industry!
Why is it weird? The acid and pasting actuality is decidedly strange, abnormally aback we get bent vampires blithely bouncing their way – via the abracadabra of alteration - into contrarily aboveboard chat scenes. Said chat is appealing aberrant too. In one scene, a babe reads aloud from a Bible and I’m academic the biographer wasn’t advantageous absorption in R.E. aback his appearance intones, “And so God said to Moses ‘here are some commandments, get a pen and address them down!’”
The angry is blithely alien and appearance multi-coloured smoke bombs and delicate ninja apparel (pink, amethyst and orange), forth with aerial vampire active and magically extending scarves. The abominable highlight, however, is Deborah Grant as the 'Bikini Ninja' who fights a vampire on the bank for no absolute reason. Throw in a 'comic relief' arena with vampires trapped on a baiter with a brazier of pee and you’ve got yourself one hella awe-inspiring movie.
What’s it about? Aback ambassador Fred Weintraub saw Olympic aerialist Kurt Thomas in a TV bartering he KNEW he had to be in a aggressive arts film. Thomas had no aggressive arts training but Weintraub invented a new appearance of angry based about gymnastics and alleged it Gymkata! This was again shoehorned into an adjustment of a 1957 lurid atypical alleged The Abhorrent Game, as Thomas gets beatific to a fabulous Himalayan country to attempt in a mediaeval-style tournament. If he wins, he can anticipate the US actuality nuked by Russia. Aback he asks the government why they’re sending him and not the army, they acknowledgment “military absolute activity isn’t our style… we charge to accelerate in one man”… and that man is a gymnast. What can I say? It was the 80s.
Why is it weird? Despite actuality of a college account than best of the films on this list, Gymkata is 100% batshit from alpha to finish, mashing up James Bond appearance espionage antics with cool aggressive arts and absorbing gymnastic feats. The clash itself is a abundant alibi for ninjas to roam about in the accomplishments and anybody dresses like they’re in the Ottoman Empire except Thomas, who wears a alternation of cool preppy jumpers.
Of course, the consummate jewel is the 'Village of the Crazies' arrangement – the aftermost date of the game, aback Thomas finds himself in the abode area the locals accelerate their criminally insane. As anon as he gets there, a man attacks him again chops off his own duke with a sickle (to which Thomas exclaims a animated “Oh jeez!”) and it alone gets weirder, culminating in an astonishing affray on a assault horse (don’t ask why there’s a assault horse in the average of the apple square). It’s a surreal scene, accumulation an awesome gothic artful with antic abandon and, if Kurt Thomas is to be believed, the account arena 'the crazies' were 18-carat Yugoslav brainy patients! Classic stuff.
What’s it about? As the third in the Yuen Clan’s Miracle Fighters series, Drunken Wu Tang (aka Taoism Drunkard) stars Yuen Cheung-Yan (who additionally directed) as an old bashed on a adventure to acquisition a abstinent built-in on the 15th of August (yeah, these quests are accepting appealing weirdly specific by now). In a bifold role, he additionally reprises his annoyance appearance of 'Granny', an aged changeable archimage whose grandson Chiu (Yuen Yat-Chor) turns out to be a abstinent built-in on the 15th of August. There’s a dude in a devil clothing calling himself The King of Hell active about actuality angry but, really, aggravating to break any added of this commotion is appealing futile. Aloof go with it.
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80s Olympic Skier Costume | Jokers Masquerade™ | Olympic Fancy Dress IdeasWhy is it weird? You could booty about any arena in this blur and it would acknowledgment that question. While magical/fantasy aggressive arts are commonplace in the genre, actuality they’re taken to antic levels. It has a absolutely low-budget vibe but doesn’t skimp on ideas, pitting its heroes and villains adjoin an arrangement of colourful enemies, automated accessories and aberrant freaks. There’s aerial nonsense, behemothic affective fruit, spinning tunnels fabricated of fire, ghosts, aroused possessions, reanimated corpses and a lot of adolescent humour. The highlight about is the Watermelon Monster, a behemothic automated brawl with legs and extending accoutrements who barks in a aerial pitched articulation and takes on all comers. Honestly, every activity this affair appears in is aloof a joy and (tragically) different to this film.
What’s it about? Ming (Gam Fung-Ling) is half-woman/half-monkey and has been aloft by apes. This puts her at an advantage aback it comes to accomplishing monkey appearance kung fu but she doesn’t care. All she wants is to be animal and pretty. She active off into the apple and anon develops a drove on 'Fourth Prince' (Chan Sing), a absorbing aristocratic who is maybe, somehow, falling for her, fur, appendage and all...
Why is it weird? While the adventure flows decidedly well, bond animal duckling makeover hijinx, classical romance, artifice and aggressive arts to agreeable effect, there’s no agnosticism that Lady Adamant Monkey is a acutely bonkers movie. I mean, if atom an ape and accepting her appear adorned dinners isn’t abundant for you, the arena in which she learns how to activity with her appendage (!) is conceivably different amidst training montages. Eventually Ming learns how to bewitch with the appendage actuality acclimated as affectionate of a ballista and it’s a ambush that pays off big time aback she delivers, at the film’s climax, apparently the weirdest finishing move I’ve anytime apparent in a fight…
What’s it about? Honestly, your assumption is as acceptable as mine. Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai (notorious for their cut and adhesive ninja films) put this – and its sister blur Built-in A Ninja – calm from shot-on-video footage they took from a absolute bargain Taiwanese TV show. I’ve no abstraction how abounding episodes it ran for but they ample it would assignment bigger in two 90 minute chunks, with scenes re-edited in a absolutely accidental order, and re-dubbed with a new ninja-themed storyline. The aftereffect is about 100% incoherent. But actuality goes. An angry Japanese scientist alleged Tanaka invented a biological weapon in WWII. It’s now the 1980s and some Russians, some Triads, a brace of changeable aggressive artists and a brace of 'American' ninjas are all on the aisle of it.
Why is it weird? American Commando Ninja has the aftereffect of absolutely authoritative you catechism your own acumen by the end. Anybody wears dayglo neon and speaks in riddles. Larry, one of the ninjas, claims to be a adept of 'Hocus Pocus style' kung fu (!), which agency he can shoot bonfire out of his fingers. There’s a McGuffin hunt for article alleged the Golden Horns. One character, Brenda (who wears tiny shorts fabricated from a amalgamated flag), has been on a constant mission to avenge her parents who were murdered in WWII. This is debilitated aback addition appearance puts it to her “If your parents were dead in WWII that would accomplish you at atomic 40 years old! Are you 40?” She all-overs her arch acutely as she realises her activity has been a lie. Shame she couldn’t accept formed that out afore really.
The ‘stunts’ are apace awe-inspiring too – at one point, a man is allegedly pushed from a affective car although all we see is one man in close-up blame attenuate air and the added again rolling himself boring forth the average of the alley for a attempt that goes on for waaaay too long.
The chat seems to accept been run through adaptation software and no one account it anytime stops to admiration whether it makes faculty (“I got some account for you! Acceptable news!“ says one. “Goose?” replies the other, mishearing them for no apparent reason). By the time a Taiwanese disco song alleged Tiger Of The Night starts playing, you’ll be on your knees, apprehensive what alternating ambit you’ve collapsed into.
So there you go. Abundant mindbending aggressive arts to accomplish you catechism aggregate you anticipation you knew, for at atomic a few hours. Hope you enjoyed the account and let me apperceive your own favourite crazy kung fu flicks in the comments below!
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