MANCHAC, La. -- Harvey Updyke walks into the acclaimed catfish abode bottomward in the swamp, takes off his blood-soaked houndstooth baseball cap and asks, adapted off the bat, if I apperceive area he could get some bargain tickets to abutting year's Alabama-Ole Miss game. Provided, he makes abiding to point out later, he's not in prison.
While I'm aggravating to amount out the adapted response, he tells this story.
"Yeah," he says, "uh, I admired to not fabricated this deal. Two nights ago I had really, actually bad chest pains. I had 'em all night long, off and on. I didn't acquaint my wife because I knew she'd accomplish me go to the emergency room. You apperceive I accept a pacemaker and I've already had open-heart surgery?"
Harvey keeps going, cogent me about activity to the doctor the abutting day and explaining, afterwards an examination, that his action ability be stress-related. Afresh he re-creates the conversation.
Doctor: Are you beneath a lot of stress?
Harvey: Added than you'll anytime know.
Doctor: What affectionate of stress? Ancestors related? Financial?
Harvey: I actually don't appetite to get into it.
Doctor: I actually charge to know.
Harvey: OK. You accumulate up with academy football?
Doctor: Yeah, I do.
Harvey: You apprehend about that guy that allegedly berserk those copse at Auburn?
Doctor: Yeah.
Harvey: Well, that's me.
Doctor (laughing hysterically): I'm animated you don't abhorrence LSU. You may accept berserk our tiger.
The band recorder says two annual and 23 seconds. I aloof beam beyond the table at this affable 62-year-old man, his bristles neatly combed, his face covered by a bristles he hopes will acquiesce him a admeasurement of anonymity. Well, I beam at two altered people, both of whom accept fabricated an actualization in the aboriginal two minutes.
There is Harvey Updyke, a apologetic grandfathering who claims he didn't adulteration those copse and wishes he'd never alleged a radio appearance to booty acclaim for it.
And there's Al from Dadeville -- Updyke's radio nom de guerre -- who loves Alabama football, and, if he's actuality actually honest, doesn't accept why everybody's so abuse mad.
Harvey Updyke was 3 years old aback his dad was asleep by a bashed driver. His mom met a man, and they all confused from Texas to Milton, Fla. Seven years later, Updyke sat in advanced of the television aback the "Bear Bryant Show" came on. Maybe he aloof actually admired football. Maybe he was atrocious for a man to alter his father.
"I was 10 years old," he says. "I was laying there watching the 'Bear Bryant Show.' Golden Flake and Coca-Cola was the sponsor. I told my mother adapted there, if I anytime accept a son, I'm gonna name him Bear Bryant."
Al from Dadeville actually did it.
He assertive his aboriginal wife to let him name their aboriginal adolescent Bear Bryant Updyke. Aback it was a girl, they alleged her Blood-soaked Tyde. Their abutting adolescent was a boy and, abiding enough, his name was Bear. Al's two dogs are alleged Bama and Nicky. He has 46 Alabama hats. Last year, he begin Alabama civic championship T-shirts on auction for $3.41. He bought all 18 in stock. Aback he was 19, he ran assimilate the acreage at the Bluebonnet Bowl, accustomed a cycle of toilet cardboard and a box of Tide. Added recently, he approved to argue his accepted wife to name a babe Ally Bama. He begged. Her acknowledgment was " Are you crazy?" She additionally banned to affiance that she'd annual his appeal to coffin him in crimson. Alike afore the Toomer's allegations, she anticipation he took this Alabama affair too far. She told him he bigger get a boom if he capital to be active with annihilation accompanying to a football team.
Sitting at the table, Al from Dadeville rolls up his sleeve.
It's an albatross with the words Bama and Cycle Tide.
"I abhorrence tattoos," he says. "I f---ing abhorrence tattoos."
Again, I'm speechless.
"Well, I'm aloof a actual ailing Alabama fan," he says. "I alive it. I breathe it. I anticipate about Alabama football, I'm not exaggerating, 18 hours a day. I accept consistently been that way. It aloof didn't start. That's what bodies don't understand. The aboriginal affair I do aback I deathwatch up in the morning is get on Tiderinsider and see what's activity on. I mean, I apperceive it's not healthy. I've been alive that a continued time. I accept a babe 33 years old alleged Blood-soaked Tyde."
When his son calls him, the name on his addition ID is Bear Bryant. He uses both names. And how is his name programmed into his son's buzz these days?
Al from Dadeville.
Harvey Updyke confused to Alabama in the winter of 2008. He'd retired afterwards a continued career as a Texas accompaniment trooper. A bones in a accelerated hunt larboard him with a burst abutting and in appealing connected pain. Retirement would accord him a long-awaited rest. And he'd assuredly get to chase the Blood-soaked Tide up close. It was heaven.
His aboriginal football division in Alabama was 2009.
The football gods, it seemed, were advantageous him for seasons of loyal fanaticism. The Blood-soaked Tide were activity to the civic championship game. Aback he heard a baby block of tickets were actuality awash to Pasadena, he had anybody he knew alarm to try to get a pair. That didn't work, but, from an old aerial academy acquaintance with accumulated connections, a miracle. Updyke was activity to see Alabama comedy for the civic appellation at the Rose Bowl. He begin his seats and took in the brittle California air, the football aggregation on the field, the abutting admission until kickoff.
Harvey started crying.
When he got home, he affected his admission butt and looked advanced to 2010. Division 2 brought hopes of a repeat. Imagine, to be a fan from distant for your absolute activity and afresh airing into this. Last year, he went to added Alabama amateur -- eight -- than he'd anytime fabricated it to afore in a distinct season. He was at the Iron Bowl, aback Alabama ran out to a 24-0 lead, and he was there aback Auburn denticulate 28 credibility to win. That night, he and a acquaintance had a auberge catch in Tuscaloosa. They didn't bother, pointing the car south, adjoin home.
"We aloof collection beeline aback to Dadeville," he says, "seriously, I bet we didn't say 10 words."
Fifteen canicule afterwards Auburn won the civic championship, Al from Dadeville alleged "The Paul Finebaum Show."
He was livid.
Moving aback to Alabama had additionally put him in abutting adjacency to Auburn -- and legions of Auburn fans. In Dadeville, he'd apparent an enemy. Now they had acumen to gloat.
"I had to put up with that mess," he says. "That's aback I actually started antisocial 'em."
Something happened. He listened to the radio best days, all the rumors and accusations, the air abounding of ball and hate. So Al from Dadeville became assertive that 2010 had been stolen, that Cam Newton and a bulk of added players had been bought, that the appellation had been bought. The added callers fabricated him crazy, I-Man, and Tammy, and all the Auburn admirers crowing over their acceleration and Bama's abrupt fall. Finebaum's show, which is berserk important in Alabama, is aberrant that way. You can accept to it for four hours, and there are all these little innuendos in the autograph of bodies who are accustomed with minutiae, and aback it's over, you don't actually bethink any specifics, alone that you're pissed.
On Jan. 27, he'd had enough.
Al best up the phone. In the months aback then, he's listened to this annual alone a few times. His son has listened to it so abounding times that his little babe can recite it. "She's 4 years old," Al from Dadeville says, "she can say basically the accomplished interview."
So, anyway, he dials the cardinal for Finebaum and is on the air.
Al from Dadeville: The weekend afterwards the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn, Ala., because I lived 30 afar away, and I berserk the two Toomer's trees. I put Spike 80DF in 'em.
Paul: Did they die?
Al: Do what?
Paul: Did ? they ? die?
Al: They're not asleep yet, but they actually will die.
Paul: Is it adjoin the law to adulteration a tree?
Al: Do you anticipate I care?
Paul: No.
Al: I actually don't! And you can acquaint Tammy, I achievement ? never mind. Cycle Abuse Tide!
Harvey Updyke afraid up the phone. He had aloof broke his absolute activity in 62 words. Soon, the badge would affix him with Al from Dadeville and annihilation would anytime be the same.
"I'll [be] honest with you," he says. "I accomplished it was a bad abstraction aback I was accomplishing it. You know, I'm not brainless ? "
Sitting in the catfish place, in the average of the quote, Al from Dadeville takes over.
"? I appetite to be honest with you," he says, "and I told all my accompany this. I actually capital to get caught. I capital them to apperceive it was me. I had no alluvial abstraction it was gonna be a felony, and they'd try to get me for contagion the baptize system. Never in my wildest dreams. I anticipation it'd be $500-$600 fine. I anticipation that was all there'd be to it. I had no alluvial abstraction they'd additionally allege me of masterminding 9/11."
Still, he listened to the end of that show, as the adversary began calling up, furious, distraught.
"As anon as I did it," he says, "Auburn went actually berserk on the radio. They went ballistic. I sat there and listened to the reaction."
Harvey Updyke says he didn't do it.
Sure, he fabricated the call, but he did not adulteration those trees. The guy sitting abutting to him at the Iron Bowl did. A dude in his 30s, with amber bristles and an Alabama pullover.
"He's the one that told me about Spike 80DF," Updyke says. "He told me he was gonna adulteration the trees. I'd never heard of Spike 80DF. To be honest with you, I didn't apperceive a accomplished lot about Toomer's Corner. I knew all about Auburn, but didn't apperceive annihilation about these trees. That's area I appear up with the idea. My aegis is that I didn't do it. I told the badge from day one about this guy. I told 'em what bench I was in. I don't apperceive if he's a season-ticket holder."
Al from Dadeville thinks he's a victim.
"They appetite to booty some of the burden off them because of them affairs players," he says. "If you'll notice, every time commodity is acclimation to appear out about those four players, they accompany a new commodity about me. I agreement you, they'll get beneath time than I do and they arm-robbed."
The four ex-Auburn players arrested for armed robbery accept become an obsession. On three or so occasions, he says that he expects to get a best book than them, and this, he believes, is aloof addition archetype in his beyond point about Auburn's corruption.
"I am by no agency the aboriginal one," he says.
The huh?
"Do you apperceive the adventure abaft Bevo?"
He begins awkward off pranks. Texas A&M admirers burglary the Texas Longhorn and branding it with a annual of a game, and Texas rebranding the chat "Bevo" over it, appropriately the mascot's name. Army-Navy, he says, and a kidnapped dupe that was corrective pink. One that Rice pulled on Texas.
"What do you anticipate is different?" I ask.
"Me, personally," he says, "I don't anticipate it's a accomplished lot different."
I don't apperceive what to say at first. I attending beyond the table and adjudge he's serious.
"Except they didn't shoot Bevo," I say, finally.
Al from Dadeville assault adapted through that.
"They already knew the copse were dying," he says. "Every time they bandy toilet cardboard in there, they booty a aerial burden baptize aerosol and ablution if off. That's additionally killing the trees."
I ask if he understands why so abounding bodies are mad.
"I get it," he says. "I accept absolutely why they're pissed. You know, they've been s---ting on Bear Bryant's grave for 30 years. That's a felony, and they're not accomplishing annihilation about that. They vandalized Nick Saban's basin house. Corrective it orange and blue."
Harvey Updyke thinks about his career in the artery convoying a lot these days. All that work, aloof befuddled away. For a football team.
"Most bodies don't apperceive this," he says, "but I still accept accompaniment annal for DWIs in Texas. In March of 1983, I filed 40 DWIs in one month. Best badge admiral don't book 40 in a year. In '83, I filed 227 DWIs for the year. I anticipate I've done a lot of acceptable in my life. I got attempt at three times. Fabricated a 7,000-pound apprehension of marijuana. I was a accomplished badge officer, and I anticipate I did a acceptable job. Now to be accepted for this? I've got 16 grandkids. I can't alike go aback to Texas to see 'em."
Al from Dadeville seems like he accepted to be greeted as a acquisition hero. Maybe it was as simple as ambagious the affronted mob on Finebaum with the fan abject as a whole, or maybe it was commodity deeper, but he ample his ancillary would accept his back. Afterwards all, he'd addled a draft adjoin the enemy. He was afraid to acquisition the adverse was true, with Tide for Toomer's adopting money on Facebook, with above Alabama players calling him abhorrent names, with Saban autograph a analysis to advice try to save the trees.
"It aching my feelings," he says.
Harvey Updyke is a sick, afraid man who realizes he could go to prison. There's addition audition this week, and he's adverse four abomination accuse in Alabama and maybe added from federal prosecutors. He knows what happens to above badge admiral in jail. And although he never erect admits during our two hours calm that he berserk the trees, he knows this is his fault, and there's cipher abroad to blame. He understands how bodies feel about him -- he apprehend all 800-plus letters beatific to his Facebook annual by affronted Auburn admirers -- but he says that if the roles were reversed, he'd appetite to appearance mercy.
"I'll be honest with you," he says. "If an Auburn fan had destroyed Bear Bryant's bronze and the guy is 62 years old and is in absolute bad health, I affirm to God, I would not apprehend and would not appetite him to go to prison. Probation, bristles years. Ten years. Alter it. A thousand hours of association service."
He looks actual baby aback he sits at the table and thinks about jail. There is no way this adventure has a blessed ending, for Auburn admirers who assume abiding to lose priceless symbols of the university's roots and acceleration and contempo success, for Alabama admirers who will now lose the chic altercation until the end of time. Nor will there be a blessed catastrophe for Updyke and his family. Sometimes, he aloof wishes he were dead.
The adventure he told aback we aboriginal sat down? About the chest pains? Well, he didn't absolutely acquaint the accomplished truth. He says he didn't say annihilation to his wife all night because allotment of him hoped he'd aloof go on and die.
"I told her, 'I'd rather be asleep than go to prison,'" he says. "She said, 'Are you crazy?' 'No, I'm not crazy.' I acquaint you adapted now, I'd rather be asleep than go to prison. I candidly accept if they put me in prison, aural three months, I'll be dead."
One thing, he says, has kept him from accomplishing commodity drastic. Aback he was a cop, he heard a accomplishment he can't forget. If a man commits suicide, he says they told him, his accouchement accept an exponentially college adventitious of suicide.
"That is the alone acumen I haven't asleep myself," he says. "I mean, I'm serious. I aloof can't see a future. Auburn is not gonna be annoyed until they put me in prison."
We airing out of the acclaimed catfish place, me, Harvey Updyke and Al from Dadeville, all of us headed to the parking lot that runs out to the swamp. Al asks me afresh about bargain tickets to the Ole Miss-Alabama game. Harvey tells me to drive safe on my way home.
We're about to allotment ways, me aback up the road, Updyke on a altered path, one that seems acceptable to be arch to prison. He admired a football aggregation so abundant he broke his life. I acquaint him to be careful. He nods and opens his car door.
"There's basics on both sides," he says. "I assumption I'm one of 'em."
Wright Thompson is a chief biographer for ESPN.com. He can be accomplished at wrightespn@gmail.com. You can acquisition his adventure annal here.
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