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“In adjustment to win at life, you allegation some Kim K skills,” Kanye West told GQ in a contempo interview. But how do you get that life-winning adeptness to pose, arrangement and action your way to fame? By arena her gaming app, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, of course. Forbes estimates Kardashian herself could accomplish $85 actor from the game, and it’s been a blockbuster anytime aback its absolution about a ages ago.
["620.8"]The app is an captivation into the alluring Kardashian world, complete with photo shoots, club openings and feuds with wannabe celebrities. It’s the acclaim game, and it’s addictive; you artlessly can’t stop blockage your makeup, assuming and accessory promotional events. Added than 100,000 users accept accustomed Kim Kardashian: Hollywood a absolute appraisement in Apple’s App Store, active up shares of Glu Mobile, the aggregation abaft the game, 24% aback it was arise June 25. In-app purchases — things like clothes, energy, banknote and star-power can be acquired with real-world money while arena the game— could accomplish an anniversary acquirement of $200 million.
I’m no Hollywood fashionista, but from the aboriginal time I played, I had a acrimonious faculty of déjà vu. Slowly, it dawned on me: I’ve heard this adventure before, in 11th brand English class. Kim Kardashian: Hollywood reminds me of that super-long 14th-century composition about the nine circles of hell, anniversary abounding with sinners punished in a address applicable their crimes, anapestic amends if you will. Kim Kardashian’s bold is Dante’s Inferno.
It’s basically the aforementioned idea, except you (Dante) can dress up in customizable beard and apparel that get added busy as you get richer/closer to the centermost of hell. Kim is like Virgil, but she traded in her atramentous bathrobe for a sparkly argent dress, because shrouds are so 14th century. The circles of hell are levels of fame, natch.
["388"]But what’s so abhorrent about an addictive bold that allows users to comedy at actuality admirable absoluteness appearance stars? Um, everything. In the Kim Kardashian universe, your appearance can’t sleep, eat or see any accompany who aren’t “contacts” to advice you get added famous. You accept no ancestors (Kim has family, but you don’t) and cipher to love. Your alone animal acquaintance is with added hell-walkers bold characters with whom you can either accept to “network” or “flirt.” You’re not accustomed to do annihilation but go to club openings, photo-shoots or red carpeting premieres. You can’t read.
The alone acceptable affair about this apple is that a flight from LA to Miami costs $15.
It’s no accompaniment that you access this blaze by committing one of the seven baleful sins: Greed. Aback the bold starts, you’re a average bazaar clerk, and you’ve aloof bankrupt up the aptly-named “So-Chic” store, aback you’re approached by the one and alone Kim Kardashian. “Hi! Is this your store? Are you open? I could absolutely use your help,” her appearance says. Your options are: “still open,” “just closing,” and, in a alarming apprehension of your name-dropping future, “Kim Kardashian.”
["388"]If you accept any account for adjustment in the universe, you aces “just closing,” because you did aloof abutting the store, and no celebrity will accomplish you breach the rules. But if you do that, Kim Kardashian says, “Oh no! I’m accepting a appearance emergency. The aback of my top is ripped, and I’m on my way to a shoot with Garrett St. Clair, THE Garrett St. Clair.” Because you’re declared to apperceive who that is.
“I don’t appetite him to see me like THIS,” she whines. “But I don’t apperceive of any boutiques about here.” She’s in city L.A., apperception you.
Here, the bold gives you no option. The alone accessible best is “I can help!” If you try to leave and acknowledgment to normalcy, Kim Kardashian says “I adulation appearance and I adulation to shop!” The bold forbids you from exiting, and you can feel the devil’s icy claws clamp your ankles.
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At this point, you are already doomed, your body has already become too begrimed for absolution. For aback Kim Kardashian asks how abundant the accouterments is, the game’s alone advantage is to acquaint her: “no charge.” Aback she says “No, really? I can’t!,” the game’s alone advantage is “(insist.)” Later, aback your bang-up asks you to assignment on a night aback Kim has arrive you to a party, your alone options are “use your charm” and “mention Kim.” Blowing off the affair and activity to assignment is not a possibility. You’re in Kim’s apple now.
There’s no way to get through the bold afterwards committing one of the seven baleful sins at about every accessible junction. You go out of your way to abase your enemy, Willow Pape (Wrath.) You’re consistently aggravating to be as acclaimed as Kim (Envy) and you’ve got an eye on your abutting big publicity achievement (Pride.) Afterwards the aboriginal level, you never go aback to assignment at “So Chic,” (Sloth) and dollar bills arise every time you analysis your architecture (Greed.) We all apperceive what your administrator agency aback he tells you to “keep your arch bottomward – or up…or wherever the photographers appetite it!” (Lust.) The alone sin you don’t accomplish on the continued adventure from D-list tag-along to A-list brilliant is Gluttony, because this is Los Angeles, afterwards all.
It’s been about a ages aback the bold came out, and I’m still in Kim Kardashian’s Hollywood, blockage my eyeliner, alteration my outfit, flirting and networking and announcement brands and boring spinning added and added into darker circles of hell. Abandon all hope, ye who access here.
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