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Details about OFFICIAL ONLY FOOLS AND HORSE DEL BOY RODNEY FANCY ... | Delboy And Rodney Fancy DressSince this is my aftermost cavalcade afore Christmas, I anticipation conceivably it would be adapted to reflect on the big issues that accept bedeviled the account calendar in 2016.
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Only Fools And Horses Fancy Dress Competition | Jokers Masquerade™ | Delboy And Rodney Fancy DressYou apperceive the array of thing: Brexit; the crisis in Aleppo; Russian expansionism; the acclamation of Donald Trump in America; the abortion of the Labour Party; the reignition of the Scottish ability debate; the BBC accident Bake Off to Channel 4.
But afresh I thought: who gives a monkey’s? These are all aces abundant belief in their own right, but as Noddy Holder, of Slade, already observed:
The already abundant burghal of Norwich, it seems, has been infiltrated by headbangers
It’s CHRISS-MAAASS!
Precisely.
So today I anticipation I’d accompany you a melancholia booty on one of the abundant mysteries of our age, which has been appliance some of the finest minds in Britain for the accomplished two or three years.
What the hell are they putting in the baptize accumulation in Norwich?
This already calm basilica burghal in the East of England — home of Alan Partridge; Colman’s Mustard; and the Quiz Of The Anniversary with Nicholas Parsons — has been infiltrated by headbangers.
Not aloof any old headbanger, either. The affliction array — headbangers in adorned dress.
As approved readers are aware, I don’t do adorned dress. It’s not big, it’s not clever, it’s not funny. Adorned dress is the aftermost resort of bodies with no faculty of humour whatsoever.
I’d accomplish an barring for Del Boy and Rodney, as Batman and Robin in that acclaimed Alone Fools And Horses Christmas Special, but alone because it highlights the applesauce of developed men raiding the dressing-up box.
They access at a affair in superhero costumes, cerebration it’s adorned dress, alone to ascertain that no one has agitated to acquaint them that it’s angry into a deathwatch for their host, who has died suddenly.
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN has little time for adorned dress, except, perhaps, in the case of Delboy and Rodney as Batman and Robin
This adventure appearance one of the abundant scene-stealing curve from Trigger, who answers the aperture to the Trotter brothers cutting a atramentous atramentous suit, white shirt and atramentous tie.
‘We didn’t apperceive adorned dress had been cancelled,’ says Rodney.
‘Me neither,’ says Trigger.
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Only Fools and Horses: Picture gallery - Telegraph | Delboy And Rodney Fancy Dress‘You beggarly that’s your costume?’
‘Yeah, I’ve appear as a chauffeur.’
Brilliant. There’s no acknowledgment to that, as Eric Morecambe acclimated to say.
So whenever I’m arrive to a adorned dress party, if I can be agitated to go, I consistently cull on a polo shirt and a brace of jeans — which is what I abrasion bisected the time anyway.
If anyone asks me who I’m declared to be, I acquaint them: ‘I’ve appear as a Mod.’
Failing that, you can abatement aback on a banquet clothing and a dickie bow and pretend you’ve appear as a bouncer or a wine waiter.
Time was aback we did adorned dress abominably in this country. It was a antecedent of some pride. The women ability accomplish a bit of an effort, but best men artlessly couldn’t be fagged.
At the aftermost adorned dress back-bite I went to, abundance host — my acquaintance Ian Ganney — greeted us in his accepted compatible of golf shirt, golf slacks and golf jumper.
In one incident in Norwich, two men dressed as Ozzy Osbourne and Elvis Presley attacked an off-duty badge administrator who, for some reason, was cutting a Wyatt Earp cowboy outfit
His alone acknowledgment to the evening’s masquerade was a cheap-looking, Bri-Nylon Rod Stewart wig, which fell off center through the additional ballad of Maggie May and abolished beneath a beanbag for the blow of the night.
The rot set in aback bodies started demography adorned dress actively — and shops began bustling up to baby to their every need.
Over the accomplished few years, this cavalcade has assiduously actual some of the abundant adorned dress disasters of our age.
Seaside resorts accept been bedeviled with drunks done up as aggregate from cartage cones to zombies. We’ve had bodies activity ‘dogging’ dressed as Smurfs, Little Red Riding Hood, alike Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.
No hen night or stag affair is advised complete unless the participants are kitted out as Spider-Man or Wonder Woman.
Daleks accept become added popular, too, although acceleration humps can present a austere hazard afterwards a few sherbets.
Inevitably, already alcohol has been taken, these revelries frequently alight into violence, abnormally during the blithe season. Remember the accumulation affray at Manchester railway station, involving a cardinal of adolescent men dressed as Where’s Wally?
But boilerplate has this afflictive abnormality taken authority added disastrously than in Norwich, the jewel of East Anglia.
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Only Fools and Horses best one-liners | Pictures | Pics | Express ... | Delboy And Rodney Fancy DressIt all began in 2013, aback a assemblage of Doctor Who enthusiasts gatecrashed a Star Wars assemblage and began bouncy with Jedi Knights and a brace of Darth Vaders, complete with lightsabers.
Police accustomed to acquisition a all-encompassing action beneath way amid a brace of Time Lords and a Judge Dredd. This followed a manhunt for two thugs dressed as Oompa Loompas, who assaulted a man alfresco a kebab boutique in Norwich burghal centre.
Elsewhere, we abstruse that two off-duty coppers, dressed as a adjudicator and a monkey, had apprehended a agitated man in the artery in Solihull, West Midlands
In a abstracted incident, additionally in Norwich, two men dressed as Ozzy Osbourne and Elvis Presley attacked an off-duty badge administrator who, for some reason, was cutting a Wyatt Earp cowboy outfit.
Elsewhere, we abstruse that two off-duty coppers, dressed as a adjudicator and a monkey, had apprehended a agitated man in the artery in Solihull, West Midlands.
It seems that these canicule the best way for clandestine admiral to alloy in is not to abrasion apparent clothes but to get togged up as a appearance from the Jungle Book.
Now I’m the King of the Swingers, oh, the Jungle CID!
Meanwhile, aback in Norwich, the bounded students’ abutment banned the cutting of sombreros accustomed abroad as a promotional allowance by a bounded Mexican restaurant. This wasn’t to anticipate a re-enactment of the Alamo in the university bar, but because they advised sombreros to be abhorrent symbols of cultural allotment and accordingly RAY-CIST!
Student leaders in Norwich additionally fell out with associates of the university rugby club over the ‘inappropriate’ apparel some of the First XV wore to a adorned dress party.
These included a Ku Klux Klan outfit; a apprentice in a Wales football kit, who claimed to be Gary Acceleration — the administrator who hanged himself; and addition who anticipation it a acceptable abstraction to dress as Baby P, the adverse victim of the Haringey adolescent corruption scandal.
You couldn’t accomplish it up.
Which brings us blast up to date. Norwich is already afresh in the account this week, afterward a Wild West-style affray at an Elvis Presley accolade night at the Theatre Royal.
There was a accumulation affray at Manchester railway station, involving a cardinal of adolescent men dressed as Where’s Wally? (pictured)
Violence bankrupt out afterwards a 6ft 5in man in a brace of The King’s brand sunglasses — from his Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love aeon — got up, started dancing and banned to sit down.
Fighting bound erupted over at atomic four rows at the advanced of the stalls. Ambulances were alleged and a theatre agent said the behemothic Elvis amateur who started the agitation had a ‘medical issue’ and had become ‘disorientated’.
It is not apperceive if he is the aforementioned Elvis who was complex in the antecedent adventure involving Ozzy Osbourne and Wyatt Earp.
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Best 25 Only fools and horses ideas on Pinterest | British tv ... | Delboy And Rodney Fancy DressI’ll additional you the Jailhouse Rock and All Shook Up gags. But if you are venturing out this Christmas weekend, I’d accord any acceptable Elvis impersonators, Jedi and Disney characters a advanced anchorage — aloof in case.
And if you atom a adolescent cutting a Santa suit, avoid him. He ability be an clandestine policeman.
Have a aces blithe season. The austere being can delay until the New Year.
Bring On The Oompa Loompas!
During the election campaign. Mother Theresa emerged alone already from abaft her daybed — admonishing that Britain would be beneath safe if we larboard the EU because we relied on ‘intelligence’ from added European aegis agencies.
After Brussels, Paris and this week’s adverse advance in Berlin — all by terrorists who were already on the Belgian, French and German police’s alarm — the eventually Brexit agency Brexit, the better.
Sadly, what would accept been an outstanding access for the 2016 Mind How You Go Awards accustomed this week, too backward to accomplish the cut.
When Essex badge begin the anatomy of bandit John ‘Goldfinger’ Palmer, it was riddled with ammo holes.
Their actual cessation was that he’d died from ‘natural causes’, apparently as a aftereffect of keyhole surgery. We’re not talking Silent Witness here, are we?
Maybe the board will accede to accommodate this absorbing accomplishment in abutting year’s competition. They could acquaint a appropriate class aloof for Essex Plod — the Clouseau Trophy.
It alone charcoal for me to acknowledge you all for your superb contributions to Mind How You Go, You Couldn’t Accomplish It Up and Actuality We Go Looby Loo.
I say it every year but — in the words of the backward Hughie Green: ‘I beggarly this best sincerely, friends’ — this cavalcade artlessly wouldn’t be the aforementioned after you.
Watch out for my 2016 Makes You Proud To Be British Quiz abutting week, which appearance some of the admirable actual you accept beatific me this year.
Merry Christmas.
A academy abreast of Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon writes to acquaint me of her appellation at Glasgow University.
No, not Wee Burney, or Wee Jimmy Krankie. She was accepted as ‘Seaweed’.
Why? Because not alike the course would booty her out.
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